The lies we tell ourselves
The lies that we tell to ourselves are obvious and we can all agree to be conscious of them. It's more or less like when you are at some sort of social event, a baby shower or a engagement party or something, and one of your friends, or someone you know, does something really stupid. Embarrassing. Maybe he decided to get shitfaced and hit on the host wife or pee out of the balcony.
Because maybe outside is sunny and windy. Or stuff like that.
One of those things that you'll always remember and look back in time and say you remember that time when ... The point is, when something like this happens, that brings upon those who know the fellow closely a sudden gloomy feeling.
Like some sort of state of emphatic shame.
Forced, shared, shame.
Perhaps you are not quite sure what has just happened but you do something has definitely happened and you better get serious.
You can't even laugh about it, can you?
You are not directly responsible, still you got responsibilities, somehow.
You share that embarrassment and try to go on, head down until it's over.
So the lies that we share.
We all see them clearly but we can't point them out for the sake of our well being.
So we put our head down and keep on going. A great man once said "A lie told often enough becomes the truth." And the truth is, we all know who we are.
If you, let's say, are really happy when holding a trumpet between your hands, but you make a living selling shoes and although everyday you can't wait to clock out and go home playing that same trumpet, but that little voice inside your head which is not entirely you starts to think that after all, why not, you may actually get really good at that job, - don't!
Stop bullshitting yourself.
You're an artist. A musician. Or something.
Whatever that is.
Go and follow your thing.
Don't waste more time around it.
You got better things to do than check if there is a 12 of that light brown leather colour that fits so nicely.
That's the first lie we tell to ourselves every day,
- that what we do is somehow necessary. Or even important. It has a purpose, after all.
No. It hasn't.
Most of the time, unfortunately.
Get over with.
Most of the time we just lay back and get too lazy or too scared of making a change, even though is logical for our mind state (do you really need that full time with extra shifts on the weekend? is there nothing else you can think of you'd rather doing with your spare time? did you really, really, need that second credit card issued?)
Whatever is it that you do, if you're happy, if that gets you through your day with a smile, or satisfaction, or even pride, by all means. Go ahead. But the minute you start questioning how you're spending the time of your life - then you must make a move.
Stop looking around you, checking if anybody else got there yet. You do it.
You start making a change.
And then you tell a friend.
Say "Listen up. It's time to move on." You need to go heavy on that shit, can't play too much around. Need to be drastic.
Or it risks to become.. tolerable.
and before you get all of this wrong - anything can be worth, for everything is meaningless anyway. but you've got to figure out what's the thing that you won't regret doing when dying. I found myself doing lots of different jobs. I've got fantastic memories of my time behind a bar, for instance.
It was a meaningless job that required long shifts and countless cigarettes, for an ironical pay. It was an insult to any brilliant writer or philosopher I've ever read. But I got through it as I was supposed to.
Drinking myself blind and getting shit done in the middle.
Working as little as possible. As much as necessary to survive and save up for travels and books. Writing at any occasion.
And I never let myself forget that any minute I spent there washing glasses or making fancy drinks was my fault for not being able to do something more. You can blame luck, of course.
Social circumstances, or your family, or your God or whatever.
You can also blame yourself sometime and say I've been a lazy prick.
I should've done better that that.
I could do better than that. It doesn't matter what you do.
You can always get better. There is always room for improvement. Learn from history. Learn from what Gandhi said about being the change. Learn from Drangonball and The Super Sayan legend, if necessary. Just don't stop yourself.
Don't get stuck!
The second lie, requires me to tell you a joke. It's quick. It goes like "Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana." Whatever the real meaning of it is, the way I see it - it's right. Anyone does things on its own way, and it couldn't actually be otherwise.
If you're an arrow, or a banana, or a pelican, anything, - you've got to do what you've got to do by being who you are.
Don't desire to be like the celebrity of your dreams, desire to be the best you could be.
Work on yourself.
Work on your mind.
Your body. Your body is your body and yours only.
If anything, it's gonna be the only thing you'll ever own. Put yourself in charge of your body choices.
Not your mom.
Not the woman at the TV.
Not your high-school teacher.
YOU want to grow your hair or lose some weight. Then do it!
Don't blame your work and the industry of food that sells crap.
We all know that.
Cook your own meals.
Go for a run before downing a couple of pints.
I don't blame alcohol every morning I wake up with a hungover or the tobacco industry if my lungs are burning when I do the stairs.
I chose to do this to myself.
You won't see my filling a complain addressed to Johnny Walker every time I throw up and shake because I can't hold a bloody soup down.
I don't ask for a refund when I get a bad trip.
As if suing Ferrero or McDonalds for your child obesity would make you any right, or your child any slimmer. So take responsibility for the few things you can change. Get that tattoo you always wanted.
And if that means an Harley Davidson marked on your forehead, - well, then I can't help you anyway. But your body, is your business. Your mind, is your business. Your sexual life, is your business. If you let someone else tell you what's better for you, may that be a brand new dropped crotch skinny jeans or that weed is bad or that if you don't shave off you can't work, - you may as well let them tell you where to stick your penis next time and how many times you are allowed to the toilet. Next time someone tells you that you look good with that short skinhead hair and uniform, you tell them you'd look even better with patterned shorts and a comfy vest and that's how your roll now. Tell them, yes, I chose to have Pizza Forever in gotic letters tattooed on my inside arm because that's me.
It represents me. What have you got to show for? Stop lying to yourself that it's better like this, after all.
And that's good and healthy when it comes to things you can no longer do anything about it.
Or diarrhea. You got the point. When it comes to things that personally affects you, first, and only, and no one else, and they don't hurt any other living creature on this planet, - then you are the judge of that call. You've got to decide if you are better off with half a kilo of fried bacon every morning for breakfast or if purple-green truly is the hair color that enhances you personality. ( * in case you wonder, yes, that was about vegetarianism - if you think I'd let meat consumption off the hook, you think twice. killing and subsequently eating another living creature has nothing to do with your choices over yourself and your own body.)
The biggest lie, the most dangerous of all, though, is still the one we learn since kids. Our parents passed it down to us. Do you remember?
When your mom suddenly stopped doing whatever she was doing, took you hand, forced to you reciprocate her attention and looking straight into your eyes, she said: You can't say that And you still don't understand. So you're young and fairly stupid and what do you do?
you say that again! And she gets even more pissed. No - you don't say that anymore. It's not nice You should have asked why. You should have asked what if you heard that from someone else first, would that be acceptable then? What if what you just said is undeniably true?
you should have asked a lot of interesting questions, but as I said, you were young, stupid, didn't know any better - and you were just getting used to this line of conduct made by yes and noes and before you realize your all life and behaviour is based on the same rules you learn when young.
Only that now, you're supposed to be an adult.
Fully equipped and operative in this world. Only that now, you stopped asking those questions because you already know the answers. That's right.
That's wrong. As if. It's dangerous, and powerful, because in most of the cases it comes from our family. Our own blood.
Whatever that means. The biggest lie is that we all lie, all the time, and we preach lying is bad. It's one of the most paradoxical condition among human beings, still, we tell our children to always tell the truth, and when they obviously do, we tell them to shut up. We tell them you can't say that because it's offensive for some people.
Because if you say that, your cousin is going to cry and think she's fat. Well, she is fat.
But you can't point out the obvious, even though is the only thing that would actually be beneficial for her. You can't tell your girlfriend that yes, you rather fancy that short blondie, you fantasize about her also - cause otherwise she's going to cry and make a scene and self-doubt herself and maybe break up with you and... Well, the blondie is still sexually appealing.
Even though you still lie your girlfriend very much.
Or your boyfriend. Or both. If you know me personally you already now I don't actually make any distinctions, nor I care. But I still got friends I never managed to tell them what I really think about them. My relatives, the ones that screwed up along the line, can't talk about it. Family.
Famous people for Christ's sake! You can't talk about shit.
Your boos may be a dick, and that celebrity that they're saying has raped a couple of young girls, - just over your league.
You can't say anything about them.
You end up meeting someone with a black eye, I bet you'll do your best to avoid asking her what happened. Someone you don't know stops you on the street and asks you for something, some change, some directions - but you got that little nervous voice inside your head, that comes from far away, from years of indoctrination, and lies, and you you just shrug your shoulders and leave as fast as you can.
You've go for a job interview and they EXPECT you to lie. To say that it is exactly what you've been waiting for. Cooking noodles in a two meters square room is your life's dream. Come aboard! Oh dear, such a great time we had at your wedding! really fun time, at your birthday party in the same pub we go every Friday anyway. And we were all so, so sorry to hear about you and John. Such a great couple you were. No, I am not. He was a self-absorbed money-driven prick that thought life is a career, and you were too blind and too stupid to see you deserved better. Now it's over.
Consider yourself lucky.
Celebrate, I say!
Go and find someone you can actually talk to.
Someone who enjoys staring at all Rothko shades as much as you do, someone that knows how to touch you, someone that shares your same dreams and fantasies.
Someone that at dinner doesn't just talk about work and assets and liabilities and mortgages honest rates.
It's likely to be the same lie your mom believed, and her mom before her. And you carry on, lying to yourself. You need to believe that is right. And day by the day your brain clashes against your logical thinking.
Which is your only true God, or at least it should be, if you think about it. But of course, by now you learnt that lying is bad, that you should always tell the truth, but you keep lying on a daily basis, at work, at home, with your friends, with your lover, with yourself. "Quo usque tandem.."
Romans used to say.
They were very practical persons, you know. they built a lot of roads and water system all over Europe.
They had public places where you could go and take a dump sitting next to another fellow, and have a perfectly natural conversation. Talk about business. Or politics. Quo usque tandem! There is a limit, a certain line that once you crossed it, you just can't do and see things in the same way. Ever.
No other society, in history, has ever had the incredible critical ability of self-analyzing itself, and sharing its results in real time thanks to the technology we now have.
It's bloody impressive, Stop lying to yourself. Embrace the truth that we are all sharing the same painful, absurd, hectic life experience with no clue whatsoever why or how. For a while.
It's all for a while anyway.
It's one non refundable ticket for this ride only that you didn't ask for in the first place.
Don't waste that time pretending to be someone else. As hard as you can try, it won't matter anyway eventually. Embrace yourself.
And embrace your fellow human too.
But next time someone asks you if you'd like to help them with their shopping, because, oh my God, that is going to be such an unique experience, you know, you celebrate ten years anniversary only once, you know, and you wanna make sure you got the right dress and.. No.
Don't say I'm sorry, I really would love to, but my kid just happen to go to the dentist and he scares of dentists and.. No. Just say No.
I'm not coming. I won't be part of it.
It's a meaningless celebration that shouldn't even exist, and it saddens me that too many people waste too much money and time on something that it's just a bio-product of a sick society runs by multi-millionaire corporations that wants you to sell shit you don't need and that feels you have to book a highly expensive restaurant and buy flowers you would trash the morning after and buy a dress you would wear for only one phony, drunken night so that your husband the day after can go back to ignore you and think about the best deals to close and his secretary 's bum for the following ten years. Or just say no.
I've got better things to do with my time. I'm sorry.
Say I'm gonna go and try to run from my place till that small hill a few miles down the road and see if I can make it back after two days of no sleep and severe dehydration.
That should rock my day.
Push myself past my limits. Say I'm sorry, I was planning to take 'shrooms that day and discover a bit more about this galaxy. Say the odds are still leaning toward the couch.
Say the whole idea of shopping, and people shopping together at the same time in the same claustrophobic place makes you want to puke, and laugh, and cry all at the same time.
So you'll be pretty busy that day. Just say what you really want to say.
p.s. If by any chance at one point I managed to offend any of you, don't worry.
You'll be fine.
Getting offended is a natural reaction to things we don't like or we don't understand.
No need to make a fuss about it, always be honest with yourself and live your life fully.
Peace out, folks
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